On Bread, Life Changing Moments, and Coming Full Circle

(Originally posted on August 21, 2015)

Ever had one of those moments? You know, those moments that seem so insignificant at the time, but that somehow get stuck in your brain for life. And the older you get, the more and more you find yourself reminiscing about ‘em.

Until one day they become cherished memory.

I’m not talking about the big things; like your first kiss, graduation, or your wedding. I’m talking about the little things . . . the smell of your grandmother’s pumpkin pie baking in the oven, watching your children play in the park, or that one lazy Sunday morning when you and your lover slept in late, sipped coffee in bed, and simply enjoyed each other’s company.

Those are the moments I’m talking about. We tend to take them for granted, but they are precisely the moments that matter. Because they are the memories we keep. Our treasures.

And sometimes . . . just sometimes . . . they can change your life forever.

A Benedictine Monk and His Bread

“This is the greatest thing I’ve ever seen!”

My girlfriend just laughed.

We were sitting there – just flipping mindlessly through the channels one morning, when out of the blue I stumbled upon it . . .

A life changing moment.

But I didn’t know it then. It came disguised as a television show.

“Breaking Bread with Father Dominic”

Right there in front of me I saw it . . . the greatest thing ever. A humble monk — robes, beard and all — kneading a loaf of bread.

I don’t know why it resonated so strongly, but I’ll never get the image out of my head. I wouldn’t want to. I wouldn’t trade it for all the money in the world.

Because I became a new person on that day.

It was only a week after discovering Father Dominic that I made my first loaf of bread. More of a brick really. I made it for my family’s Christmas gathering. But it just sat there, untouched and unwanted, all evening. A rock hard cinnamon swirl lump that I eventually just tossed in the trash after taking a bite.

Yeah, it was terrible. It made no matter though. I was hooked. And I’d taken my first step towards a decade long career as an artisan bread baker. A path that first brought passion and joy.

Then stagnation.

And finally . . . bitterness.

Over ten years of a man’s life . . . challenge, struggle; success and failure. All charted the moment the TV flipped to some monk baking bread in his abbey.

From Bread to Bodybuilding

“You think you can do more pull-ups than me?”

It was a simple challenge. A dare really. My friend and I were sitting outside the bakery, taking our break. I was 33 years old. Out of shape. Pudgy. Weak.

My friend was in his mid-20’s and built like goddamn Superman.

But I was the one making the challenge. Sometimes I say stupid shit . . . I don’t know why. So we found a good beam to hang from and my friend proceeded to humiliate me with pull-up after pull-up while I struggled and wheezed after just one mediocre set.

Yeah, he shamed me. I deserved it.

But I loved it.

All the struggle, all the pain, all the challenge. Every bit of it. I wanted more. I wanted to win. So I started training. Just pull-ups at first, but then push-ups and eventually weight training. I meant business.

It wasn’t long before I finally beat my friend in what had become our weekly pull-up contest. I never lost again.

You see, even though I didn’t realize it at the time, that first pull-up contest was another one of those life changing moments. This time disguised as a half-serious challenge to a friend.

But it was more . . . it was a way out.

A way out of the baking career I had once cherished. A way out of my soft middle-aged body. A way out of the stagnation and bitterness in which I was trapped.

And I was about to escape it all . . .

A Little Red Barn in the Country

“I found a place. It’s a barnhouse. And it’s even red!”

She just laughed.

We’d been broken up for a few months, but we were still living together. It was hard.

She’d been there when the channel flipped my life into a new direction. She’d been there when I came home sore and exhilarated from that first pull-up contest. She’d seen me transform my body, give up my baking career, and go from long hair to no hair. She’d seen it all.

And she’d waited long enough.

So she ended it, and now it was time to part ways. But I wasn’t going to just move into another crappy apartment. I’d had enough of that shit. Enough of the clutter. Enough of the city. Enough of the noise.

I needed peace. Some place I could think. Lord knows I had plenty thinking to do.

I knew this was the place. The moment I first stepped inside I knew I had to have it.

Such a little thing really . . . a new place. I’d gone through plenty of new places. But this one was different. This one was life changing . . .

Building a Blog

“Holy Shit bro! I just bought my own web domain! And I don’t even have internet on my computer yet!”

Those were the exact words I texted to my little brother out in California.

I’d been at my new job for just over half a year, but I knew it wasn’t for me. The office life that had seemed so ideal back during those hot sweaty days in front of the oven had proven itself otherwise.

Not that the job was bad.

It was a great company, full of great people, and offered me great pay and benefits. Even moreso, they actually invested in me. But it wasn’t long before I realized that I just wasn’t cut out for the office life. I’m a blue-collar guy by nature, and the office just became too constricting for me. Suffocating, really.

So I took up blogging.

It gave me something to focus on other than my all-consuming work life. And I secretly hoped it might lead me on a new path . . . a career where I wasn’t bound by a desk.

And it delivered . . .

But not in the way I expected.

My physical fitness blog had sorta morphed into a personal development blog. It was no surprise really, just a natural extension of all the soul searching I’d been up to during my time at that little red barnhouse.

I’d gone there for solitude. I’d gone there for change. But I never foresaw the change it was about to bring . . .

A Three Day Fast, a Dream, and Passion Rekindled

“I can’t believe I had a baking dream again!”

That was my first thought on waking that morning. I hadn’t dreamt about baking in years.

It was the second day of what turned out to be a three day fast. I’m a big fan of intermittent fasting, and while I hadn’t set out to undertake a three day fast, what evolved from it was purity of vision.

You see, the thing about fasting is that it gives you clarity of thought. And I often have extremely vivid and insightful dreams when I’m deep into a fast. This was one of them . . .

It was a relatively simple dream really — just me back at work in the bakery. But I was so damn happy in the dream. So fulfilled. When I woke from it, I just had to start writing. I scrapped the blog post I’d been working on the day prior and instead wrote this . . . a treatise on baking and passionate living.

Another life changing moment.

After writing that post, I couldn’t get the thought of baking again out of my head. It simmered there for awhile, but it wasn’t long before the urge simply boiled over into an uncontrollable longing for a return to the baking life that I’d given up.

So that’s what I did . . .

Pastoral Life and Finally Coming Full Circle

“So . . . why do you want to work here?”

The look on her face was puzzled. Kind of comical, actually. She really couldn’t understand why I was there handing her my application.

Maybe I just didn’t look the part.

I was standing there, all neat and trim in my office garb — you know, “work casual” — beard short and proper, shoes clean and flour free. I probably looked like I’d never worn an apron in my life.

“I’m not cut out for office work.”

It probably wasn’t the best answer. I could’ve told her how much I missed baking, how I longed to work with my hands again, how important it was for me to actually produce something of worth from my labor.

No. It wasn’t the best answer. But it was the truth, nonetheless.

And I got the job!

I couldn’t believe my luck, working with such highly regarded bakers as Chuck and Carla at their landmark “O Bread” bakery.

And the location . . .

It just doesn’t get any more beautiful than Shelburne Farms. Fourteen hundred acres of lush forest, rolling pasture, and imposing Gilded Age architecture. This place was amazing; quite the contrast to the sterile office I’d been stuck in for the previous year and a half.

If a soul can weep, then surely mine wept with joy.

Because I was doing what I was meant to do. I was baking again.

I was a baker.

And so I’d come full circle.

Of course, the story doesn’t end there. But that’s for another day . . .

Cheers!

Trevor J. Wilson

Comments

1. Jesse Birkett saysDecember 19, 2015 at 7:16 AMWouldn’t be a Trevor Wilson blog without softcore porn shots.Reply
   • Trevor Wilson saysDecember 19, 2015 at 3:08 PMThanks dude! You have the honor of being the very first to comment on my new blog. Glad to see you made it a quality one. Cheers!Reply
2. Jesse Birkett saysJanuary 23, 2016 at 4:56 AMHey Trevor! Just got my first issue of Bread Lines. Their focus is whole grains. In one of the articles they had a 100% whole wheat levain. I have two question don’t know if you anything about it. One, hydration was a total of 109%, you had experience with that? Was it just whole wheat ciabatta? Second they used an incredibly small percentage of levain, only 4.2% total flour prefermented. Their desired final temp of dough was around 80-82 with 3 to four hours bulk. Three folds. My question is, why not use a larger proportion of leavening at cooler temp? What are the advantages of either?Also, bonus questions, I saw you did an overnight autolyse on one of your breads? Can you do that with 100% whole wheat?Bonus Bonus question. they also do a 100 percent whole wheat croissant. But they only do 2 envelope folds rather then three while sheeting. Any thoughts?And finally a personal note, I am back working with Jan and Nick. You should stop in some friday and we can sit around the camp fire making dick jokes.Reply
   • Trevor Wilson saysJanuary 23, 2016 at 9:31 AM Hey Jesse, good to hear from you again buddy. Let me get right to your questions . . .1) I’ve had experience with high hydration 100% whole grain, but not as ciabatta. O Bread makes a 100% whole grain multigrain bread that’s of a pretty high hydration due to a large addition of boiled grains. When I made the dough on low production days I was able to devote more time to it so I’d make it even wetter. I calculated the total hydration once, but I can’t recall the exact percentage. I know that the flour and water itself was in the high 90’s and with the addition of the porridge it shot up well north of 100% hydration — in the 130’s if I remember correctly. As you can imagine, such a wet dough required special handling. Especially when you consider that the wet heavy porridge had to be entirely supported by a wet 100% whole wheat dough base. Pretty tricky. I developed a special folding technique that did wonders for this bread. It’s easier to demonstrate than explain, but imagine your wet sloppy dough in a rectangular dough tub. Now lift and stretch one end and begin rolling the dough into a tight log — like you’re making cinnamon rolls or sticky buns. Once you have a tight roll, turn that roll 90 degrees and roll it up the same way. What you end up with is a very tight coil. Now do that every 30 minutes. By the third fold you’ve turned your wet sloppy dough into a tight springy mass that’s much easier to handle. There’s so much tension in the dough it’s actually bouncy. It shapes well and just explodes in the oven. You can see the results in the (stylized) photo in my first post. But here’s an unaltered photo, just for you . . .
     Not too bad, eh?Now enough boasting, let me get back to your question . . .As to why they chose to use the amount of levain they did and why they chose their dough temp I can’t say. Sadly I let my BBGA membership expire last year so I can’t review the article you’re referring to. My guess would be that it’s due to a combination of the flavor profile they’re looking for and production needs. 100% whole grain breads ferment quickly. Especially at warmer dough temps and high hydrations. I know you already know that, so I’d just accept that these were the variables they chose to adjust to meet their flavor and production needs. Simply using more leaven at a cooler temp won’t have the exact same effect. Flavor may be different and so may fermentation time — even a large inoculation of leaven can take a while to get a cold dough moving. And an advantage of using less leaven is that there is less pre-ferment that needs to be made, thus potentially reducing labor costs — depending upon the scale of production, of course.2) I HIGHLY recommend an overnight autolyse for 100% whole grain doughs. I almost always use that technique when making high percentage whole grain doughs. Of course, I add the salt to slow down enzymatic activity (and for convenience) so it’s not a true autolyse, but overnight the effect is basically the same. Whole grains greatly benefit from long exposure to moisture. Phytic acid is broken down. Bitterness is cut and sweetness comes forward. Dough quality is improved (i.e. whole grains become fully hydrated making for more supple and stable dough). Peter Reinhart discusses these benefits. He approaches the idea a bit differently than I do — he uses what he calls the “epoxy method”. Look it up. What I prefer to do is just mix up the entire dough and add the starter in the morning, as described in this post.As an alternative, I’ve seen an interesting method described by Maurizio over at “The Perfect Loaf”. In this post, he shows how he first sifts out the bran before making the dough, then adds boiling water to it and returns it to the dough after it’s been more developed. It looks like he gets some pretty nice results from this method. I’ll probably try it myself down the line. Of course, neither of these methods would work well in a production setting, but for the home baker they’re just fine.3) I don’t have much experience with croissants so I can’t give you a good answer. You probably know more about that stuff than I do. But I can offer a guess. 2 letter folds instead of 3 will greatly reduce the number of layers in the final croissant — many thin layers require strong gluten to achieve. 100% whole wheat dough is not noted for its strong gluten. My guess is that trying to run three letter folds through the sheeter is simply too much for the dough to handle. Probably tears. So with less layers you get a less fluffy croissant, but that’s to be expected with whole grain anyway. But again, I haven’t seen the article so I’m only speculating.4) I did hear you were back at the bakery. Maybe I’ll stop in one of these days. I’m sure I could come up with a few jokes about you being a dick.Cheers!Reply
     • Jesse Birkett saysJanuary 23, 2016 at 1:48 PMCool man. Just tossing around some ideas. I had experience with that exact fold you are talking about at the Portland bakery I worked at. We called it our “ciabatta fold.” Our normal four edges to the center was called our “french fold.” I just asked about the overnight with the whole grain cause the time I played around with it, the dough started to break down. I had suspected it was the flour I used. At the bakery I work at in downtown Burlington we used Milanaise. Milanaise has had some major issues mainly that they mill their flour too finely or too hot or both because the amount of damaged starch is too high. The dough would come together in the mixer fine but after an hour or two would actually start break down. It was kind of cool to see if you didn’t have to work with it. Anyways, good to hear from you!Reply
     • Jesse Birkett saysJanuary 23, 2016 at 2:07 PMCool. I am familiar with that fold. At the bakery I worked at in Portland, we called it our ciabatta fold. A more tradition fold was called our french fold. I will have to to try some whole grain with that overnight autolyse. When I was messing with it before I was using Milanaise. That company runs on Miller time. I looked them and they have a damaged starch that is way too high. It was kind of cool to watch dough kind of disintegrate right before your eyes until you realize you have to work with it. Anyways good hearing from you.Reply
       • Trevor Wilson saysJanuary 23, 2016 at 4:13 PMI also used that fold a lot for Ciabatta. Glad to know I’m not the only one that likes it. The term “French fold” I’ve always heard as an alternative name for slap and fold. A rose is a rose . . .As for the Milanaise, I’ve worked with that flour plenty myself and I know exactly what you’re talking about. It’s not fun to see your beautiful dough melting right in front of you. I can see why trying to give it an overnight autolyse wouldn’t work for you. Here’s what I suggest:1) Use a different flour. You know that already.
         2) Add all the salt.
         3) After it’s mixed up (roughly) throw the dough into the fridge for a few hours to get it nice and cold.
         4) Right before you go to bed, take the dough out and set it on the counter to slowly come to room temp overnight.The combo of salt and cold will keep your whole grain dough from going overboard with enzymatic activity. By morning your dough will be room temp and ready to go. Just add starter. Let me know how it goes.Reply
         • Jesse Birkett saysJanuary 24, 2016 at 9:24 AMOne last item: if you plan to refrigerate shaped loaves before final bake. Is it alright to do a refrigerate warm refrigerate bake? Is that too cool warm up cool warm up cycles?Reply
           • Trevor Wilson saysJanuary 26, 2016 at 7:29 AMI don’t think that’s gonna be a problem. Though I don’t typically refrigerate my loaves, I have done so on occasion and I’ve done it after the above mentioned method — I didn’t have any problems. But I’ve never tried it with 100% whole grain so I can’t say for sure whether such a long process will cause any sort of proteolysis. You’ll just have to give it a go and find out. Be sure to let me know how it goes.Reply
3. Erin J. saysJanuary 25, 2016 at 12:04 PMI see based on your picture that you’re probably bi- curious. My question is – how curious is bi-curious?Reply
   • Trevor Wilson saysJanuary 26, 2016 at 7:36 AMHey buddy, it’s good to hear from you. Been a long time. You know, I used that picture because I figured it might be left field enough from what you’d expect to see on a bread blog that it might sway some folk to have a look at what would otherwise seem like a boring post. I didn’t realize it would cause such a ruckus.I should’ve known better.C’est la vie . . .Reply
4. patricia saysMay 23, 2016 at 8:05 AMBecause you were born to bake that loaf of bread ,and teach us how too. XXXX Blessings.PatriciaReply
   • Trevor Wilson saysMay 23, 2016 at 7:48 PMThank you Patricia! I do enjoy teaching bread baking! Cheers!TrevorReply
5. Chuck saysJune 1, 2016 at 10:19 AMI think a bear naked baker video would be a hit! 🙂Reply
   • Trevor Wilson saysJune 1, 2016 at 4:48 PMHey Chuck, you’re probably right! But there’s already a baker in the UK doing that. Well, I don’t know if he’s bare naked or not, but he goes by the name “The Topless Baker”. I think I’ll leave the bare naked baking to the smooth pretty boys, though I would certainly consider an apron only calendar shoot!Reply
6. Reva saysSeptember 18, 2016 at 12:02 AMHey Trevor. I’m from India and Only few days back I had a short artisan sourdough bread baking class where I learnt the basics. I have been following you up on Instagram and just today happened to read your introduction and about this web site.
   I read about your baking journey and wow, I am so amazed and very inspired by the way how it started for you. I am an immature bread baker and your blog is going to teach me a lot!! I know it . Thanks a lot!!Reply
   • Trevor Wilson saysSeptember 18, 2016 at 5:51 PMThank you Reva! I’m glad you found my journey so interesting! That’s great that you’re starting your own bread baking journey now, and I’m glad that my website can help you out! I wish you the best of luck!Cheers!TrevorReply
7. Lena saysOctober 24, 2016 at 10:55 PMI was a bit gutted to read that you haven’t published a book, lol ! I want to buy it……I’m sure it would be my kinda book 🙂 Never mind I’ll keep reading your website. Just waiting for my supply of Wholemeal Spelt to arrive so I can bake the Tartine style Country loaf !!Reply
   • Trevor Wilson saysNovember 1, 2016 at 9:43 PMIt just so happens that I am currently in the process of writing a book (well, an ebook that is). It’s taking much longer than I anticipated, and it’s a long book. It will have a very narrow appeal since it doesn’t even come close to resembling your typical bread baking book. Who knows, perhaps you’re one of the few that would actually like it . . .Reply
     • Lena saysNovember 6, 2016 at 2:42 AMLet us all know when it’s done please! I think you might be surprised that more than a few people might like it !! By the way, I made the ‘Tartine style country loaf” and it was amazing! Second time around, I lowered the hydration slightly as our flours here in N.Z are not so great.I am now working my way through the 50/50 loaf and have the Champlain loaf doing it’s second rise right now. Great to see the Tartine style loaf is still nice and moist even after a couple/three days…. Really appreciate you doing these videos, they are very informative and easy to watch AND fun, not to mention the music…Thanks 🙂 PS, I did buy a very well known bread baking book recently, ( wont mention who’s) but it wasn’t really what I was after, mostly commercial yeast based or hybrid, which I was surprised about. I forget not everyone is only into Sourdough!Reply
       • Trevor Wilson saysNovember 6, 2016 at 5:46 PMI’m glad you’re enjoying the Tartine style loaf! I hope the others turn out just as well for you! I’ll definitely let you (and everyone else) know when the book is done. We’ll see how it goes . . .Reply
         • Augustin Coppey saysNovember 26, 2016 at 4:23 AMTrevor,I would like to suggest that you email a link to anyone who has posted a comment somewhere on your blog, once the e-book is out. I think you’ll find that quite a few people enjoy your thinking, baking skills, and explanation style.Reply
           • Trevor Wilson saysNovember 28, 2016 at 11:10 AMI’ll certainly send out an email to my subscribers to let them know when the book is available. But it really will only appeal to a small minority of the bread-obsessed. I’ll probably even add a disclaimer just to give folks a head’s up — I don’t want anyone buying it who won’t get much from it. Probably not good sales practice to warn people against buying your product, but I don’t want anyone wasting their money.Reply
8. Patricia Dias saysDecember 6, 2016 at 2:01 PMI loved your words…I feel the same.Reply
   • Trevor Wilson saysDecember 6, 2016 at 9:08 PMThank you Patricia! I’m glad you enjoyed the article! Cheers!TrevorReply
9. Juwanda Hassim saysFebruary 17, 2017 at 4:57 AMHi Trevor, first thing … you are amazing. I am a cook by nature and I have taught myself so many things and worked with big names in Asia…but i found most peace at home baking and cooking for friends. I made the jump into my own cafe five years ago and with the universes blessing I am 5 year strong. Over the last 2 years i have been baking my own breads and we have our ow versions of Pain De Mie, brioches and Baguettes that use in our menu. I think they taste good..hahha…But I have been wanting to make sourdoughs for the last fw year and I finally mustered enough courage..but after 4 tries..its still not working out…I do everything to a T..but during bulk fermentation in fridge..nothings happens to the dough.. I have left out overnight..took it out and let it proof at room temp because it did not rise.I have done this over a few times altering different methods for the start..i did the autolyse method, the everything mix in method…no success.please give me some advise…id my fridge set too cold..HELP ME..Thanks Mate..Reply